Couples Counselling

Researchers have found that couples wait an average of 6 years with significant difficulties before seeking help. Early intervention helps.

Not Accepting New Couples At This Time

How I Help Couples

When working with couples, I attempt to create an environment where couples can participate in their relationship and interact with one another in ways that are more likely to promote helpful emotional expression as well as contribute to understanding their partner's thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Couples often need specific information and instruction on how to communicate effectively with one another. Learning effective communication skills is only the first step towards a better relationship. Every partnership has conflict. Every relationship will have issues or difficulties that are in fact not solvable. Researchers have suggested that the difference between couples who have successful relationships and those that do not, is how they handle these unresolvable conflicts.

Often couples come into therapy in acute crisis and want immediate solutions to their presenting difficulties. While I do my best to help you manage an immediate crisis, it is important to understand than an assessment process is essential to assessing your needs and should not be skipped. Couples counselling is a process that takes time, energy and emotional investment. I would invite you each to cultivate a position of curiosity, patience and compassion towards yourselves and each other as you embark on this undertaking.

My Approach

My work is heavily informed by the Gottman approach to couples counselling. This is a model of couples work that is based on decades of research that has been conducted on what makes for happy healthy couples or “masters” of relationships as well as what makes for couples that are unhappy and headed towards difficulties. In this approach, within the context of your shared goals, I assist you to do more of what we know happy successful couples do and much less of what we know contributes to difficulties in relationships. This model emphasizes the importance of structured assessment and helping couples with the skills and strategies that research has shown to be essential in couples who are happily together. Couples therapy is available through telehealth as well as in-person sessions.

Wanting in-person couples sessions?

Our First Three Sessions

The Gottman approach is structured to accommodate a more formal assessment of your relationship. Your first three sessions with me are described below.

1.) An initial 90 minute joint session – this is an opportunity for us to meet and for us to get a sense of how we might work together. In this session my intention is to learn more about the two of you as a couple, what is bringing you in for counselling and a sense of areas wherein your relationship needs attention. It is also an opportunity for you both to ask me questions, get a sense of how I work and to determine if I might be a good fit therapeutically for you both.

After this session each of you will be asked to complete a series of online assessment tools that will help us to identify areas of strength and growth in your relationship with one another. You will be sent an email link to your individual email and directed to assessment tools. The cost of these assessment measures is ~40$USD per couple which is payable directly to the Gottman Institute and requires 1 - 2 hours to complete.

2.) Two individual 45 minute sessions for me to speak to you each on your own to get a sense of who you are as individuals. These sessions can be back to back or you can schedule these individual sessions at different times.

3. A 90 minute joint session to review the results of the assessment tools and collaborate on our goals in our work together.In this session we collaboratively develop a treatment plan that we utilize moving forward together. Please be advised that there are times wherein couples therapy may be contraindicated.If this is the case, I will direct each of you to individual therapy.

Are You Ready For Couples Counselling?

Considerations

Is our life stable enough to benefit from therapy? Research suggests that if you as a couple are having difficulties with meeting your fundamental needs or if you life as a couple/family has a lot of chaos associated with it at baseline, emotional dysregulation, hostility or significant domestic violence, it is best to address those needs first before embarking on trying to build a better relationship as a couple.

Do we have the time and energy to devote to it? Within the context of goals that we set together it is highly likely that you will each be required to practice many of the skills you will learn within counseling to help your relationship improve and change. This will often entail the two of you spending time together as a couple.

Are there secrets between us? Due to the approach I use when working with couples, I have a firm policy of not keeping secrets between partners. That means that if there has been any kind of significant betrayal (e.g. infidelities) my approach will be to encourage this be disclosed (if not already) to one’s partner. Due to the nature of the treatment model I use, if there is an ongoing affair, the partner involved must be willing to end the affair for me to work with them as a couple.

Am I the right therapist for you both? Finding the right “fit” in a therapist is actually really important! Researchers suggest that the relationship you have with your therapist is predictive of therapy outcomes so it is essential to think about how you are feeling about me and the services I provide. My intention as your therapist is to be attuned and allied with both partners and to support the goals that you have for your relationship. I am very invested in ensuring that people I see get the best services for their needs and sometimes that means finding another therapist. If this is the case, please do not hesitate to bring this up with me – it never hurts my feelings if you or your partner think our connection isn’t what you are looking for – sometimes we just don’t have a fit. My job will then become connecting you to another psychologist with whom you might have a better connection.

Have you each thought about your goals for couples therapy? It is not uncommon for one or both people in a couple to feel ambivalent or confused about what they want to have happen through couples therapy. Sometimes people want things to improve but they don’t have much hope about things changing. It is also not uncommon for therapists to meet with couples and discover that one person has firmly decided to exit the relationship permanently. It is critically important that all of us are aware of this as couples therapy can still be helpful to navigate the process of ending your relationship in a way that is kind, respectful and if children are involved to end your relationship in a way that sets the stage for you both to move forward into a healthy co-parenting relationship.

Do we have the environment for virtual care? For couples receiving virtual care it is important to you have technology so that you both can appear on camera and have a good internet connection. For those with children it is important that you have childcare so that you are not having therapy with small children present and/or your session isn’t interrupted.